Tag Archives: laundry

Moby Dick is the Worst

24 Sep

This blog’s overarching theme is moving from NJ to Cali and the transition from East Coast to West and all about new beginnings and blah, blah, blah. BUT, I can’t always be contained or held to a specific genre or topic and sometimes will deviate. Duh.

So, in the pursuit of this move, I am trying to scrape up money wherever I can. G, who is basically my brother (long story short, my parents ghetto adopted him and he has lived with us for almost 3 years now and even though he looks like a big Hawaiian ukelele player, and I’m a tiny white girl, we are family), asked me to help him with his English class this semester in exchange for dollars. Since I can’t say no to dollars right now, I accepted. His English class is centered around “Moby Dick.” That’s it. All they have to read for this class is “Moby Dick” and write several essays on the topic.

I won’t comment on the fact that reading only one book for a college-level English course is kind of ridiculous (unless it’s a Canterbury Tales type deal). I also won’t comment on the fact that I’ve read over the syllabus and I already dislike the professor and his general premise that “Moby Dick” is about Ishmael’s search for his soul (disagree).

I WILL comment on the fact that I have started reading (again) “Moby Dick” so I can help G out and I now remember why I wanted to set that book (and maybe my English teacher who assigned it) on fire in high school. I know it is considered a literary classic and all that fancy-type praise, but Herman Melville, I hate you.

This book goes on FOREVER and devotes SO many pages to the description of the whaling industry and the taxonomy of white whales. I could give a shit about the whaling industry and don’t need to understand it to understand the book. Herman, you could have just said, “People hunt whales for their blubber a lot and are really mean about it and are kind of wiping them out.” You could have also said, “White whales are white, and big, and live in the ocean, and pretty much look like a whale,” and that would have sufficed, too. But you chose to write things like, “…the frosty Swiss [the whales] have retreated to their mountains; so, hunted from the savannas and glades of the middle seas, the whale-bone whales can at last resort to their Polar citadels, and diving under the ultimate glassy barriers and walls there, come up along icy fields and floes; and in a charmed circle of everlasting December, bid defiance to all pursuit from man.” And that’s just a short excerpt. He goes on FOREVER about the whales. This is literature, not a zoology class. Stop it. Whales get killed a lot by people and it is sad (insert dead whale imagery here).

I guess I can understand why people are like “OoOoOo such great writing” because it is good stuff (when he actually writes about what matters). But taken as a whole? I hate this book. It makes my eyes burn and my heart feel an unbounded fury for a bearded dead man.

End Side Note. (I feel like I never got to rant about this properly when I had to read it, and I probably have more to say, but this shall suffice).

As for the whole moving thing, my UBox should be picked up today or tomorrow and be on its official way to San Diego. I now have like 10 outfits to get me through 3 weeks. How awful. Doing laundry once a week is for the birds.

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