Archive | September, 2013

Moby Dick is the Worst

24 Sep

This blog’s overarching theme is moving from NJ to Cali and the transition from East Coast to West and all about new beginnings and blah, blah, blah. BUT, I can’t always be contained or held to a specific genre or topic and sometimes will deviate. Duh.

So, in the pursuit of this move, I am trying to scrape up money wherever I can. G, who is basically my brother (long story short, my parents ghetto adopted him and he has lived with us for almost 3 years now and even though he looks like a big Hawaiian ukelele player, and I’m a tiny white girl, we are family), asked me to help him with his English class this semester in exchange for dollars. Since I can’t say no to dollars right now, I accepted. His English class is centered around “Moby Dick.” That’s it. All they have to read for this class is “Moby Dick” and write several essays on the topic.

I won’t comment on the fact that reading only one book for a college-level English course is kind of ridiculous (unless it’s a Canterbury Tales type deal). I also won’t comment on the fact that I’ve read over the syllabus and I already dislike the professor and his general premise that “Moby Dick” is about Ishmael’s search for his soul (disagree).

I WILL comment on the fact that I have started reading (again) “Moby Dick” so I can help G out and I now remember why I wanted to set that book (and maybe my English teacher who assigned it) on fire in high school. I know it is considered a literary classic and all that fancy-type praise, but Herman Melville, I hate you.

This book goes on FOREVER and devotes SO many pages to the description of the whaling industry and the taxonomy of white whales. I could give a shit about the whaling industry and don’t need to understand it to understand the book. Herman, you could have just said, “People hunt whales for their blubber a lot and are really mean about it and are kind of wiping them out.” You could have also said, “White whales are white, and big, and live in the ocean, and pretty much look like a whale,” and that would have sufficed, too. But you chose to write things like, “…the frosty Swiss [the whales] have retreated to their mountains; so, hunted from the savannas and glades of the middle seas, the whale-bone whales can at last resort to their Polar citadels, and diving under the ultimate glassy barriers and walls there, come up along icy fields and floes; and in a charmed circle of everlasting December, bid defiance to all pursuit from man.” And that’s just a short excerpt. He goes on FOREVER about the whales. This is literature, not a zoology class. Stop it. Whales get killed a lot by people and it is sad (insert dead whale imagery here).

I guess I can understand why people are like “OoOoOo such great writing” because it is good stuff (when he actually writes about what matters). But taken as a whole? I hate this book. It makes my eyes burn and my heart feel an unbounded fury for a bearded dead man.

End Side Note. (I feel like I never got to rant about this properly when I had to read it, and I probably have more to say, but this shall suffice).

As for the whole moving thing, my UBox should be picked up today or tomorrow and be on its official way to San Diego. I now have like 10 outfits to get me through 3 weeks. How awful. Doing laundry once a week is for the birds.


Quickie Post

22 Sep

These are Jell-O Dirt Cups and they are amazing.  And there’s Oreo bits in them. And flower sprinkles. Everybody should buy them. I am not paid to endorse Jell-O, I am just very passionate about novelty food items. You can find these by the cheese (or thereabouts) at the grocery store. You’re welcome.


As for the whole moving thing, that UBox should be packed up and ready to go tomorrow. Then it will take the 12 day journey to San Diego where Sam and whoever is unlucky enough to agree to help him will move all of the stuff out of it into the new apartment, I told Sam we could wait to unload it until I got there, but I didn’t mean it. I don’t want to move anything anymore. I’m tired of moving (for the time being….that’ll change).

Only 2 weeks left at my job and only about 3 weeks until I leave New Jersey, so weird. Also, I should move far away from friends and family more often because everyone is taking me out to eat and paying. My friends are the best.

I’m The Batman of Moving

16 Sep

I am not sure how moving a whole lot has anything to do with being Batman, or how one can be the “Batman” of moving, but I am watching “The Dark Knight Rises” right now and I moved more crap today, so I feel like it is appropriate to be a Batman of moving.

I finally decided on a mode of transportation for this whole move deal. First, it will be travel by air for me and the kitties via the JETPAWS program. To break it down for you, the JETPAWS program is JetBlue’s “We Fly Pets Program” and from what I can tell, it isn’t really a program, but just me exchanging American dollars for permission to bring my cats on the plane. I specifically asked the lady on the phone when I was booking the flight if there were any perks for me or the cats and she was very blunt, and maybe a little incredulous, with her “um no.” I just don’t think you should give something a name, especially a name as cute as JETPAWS, and call it a program if there isn’t more to it.


Anyway, if anybody ever needed to bring their pet on a plane, the way it works is: (1) call JetBlue and say “Hey I need to bring my animal who isn’t vicious or rabid on the plane; (2) JetBlue tells you there is or isn’t room, and then charges you $100 for your pet; (3) book an EXTRA seat and pay an extra $100 because you have not one, but two, kitties; (planning ahead) (4) Go to the vet and obtain strong sedatives for cats; (5) go to the airport and check in and have the counter people look at your cats, because apparently that’s a thing; (6) go through security and take your heavily drugged cats out of their carriers so security can make sure you aren’t carrying a bomb (like I would seriously blow up my cats, jerkoffs); (7) buy Jamba Juice because you’re alive so duh; (8) Get on the plane and pray that cat drugs last for lots of hours or else you’re going to be subjected to crying and the smell of cat piss at some point during your flight.

As for the load of crap I have, that is going via UHaul’s UBOX program which is essentially you load all your crap into this wooden box shaped like a storage unit and then when you’re ready, a big tractor trailer comes and picks it up and brings it to California. This option was about $1550 when all was said and done, and while that’s a crap ton of money that I don’t have, it was the best option in terms of price, amount of labor required, and ultimate control over my things. I had been paranoid that if I hired movers, they would toss my boxes around and break everything, because writing ‘Fragile’ all over your boxes means NOTHING to anyone. Dad and I spent the entire morning, and by morning, I mean from like 11-2:30 because it’s Sunday and I don’t wake up for anyone, moving my stuff from Public Storage into the UBOX.

image_1 image_2 image_3 image_4That is a UBOX and if you don’t have a ton of stuff, it is actually pretty decent and very easy. You can either have them drop it off at your house and you can load from home, and have them pick it up whenever (extra $200) OR you can just load the box at their storage facility and have them pick it up for shipping whenever (no charge). I mostly just have DVDs, kitchen crap, and clothes, so one box was more than enough.

Oh and I mentioned it was $1550 for all of this right? And my flight, after paying for TWO seats like an obese person and two pet fees, was $595? I was mildly stressing these things, as I am poor, and I didn’t want to keep asking Navy guy to give me all his dollars. And then, Dad and I went to Mt. Airy Casino on Saturday and either the Beach Boys (if any of them are dead) or Jesus or the spirit of pre-medicated Britney felt the stress vibes I was sending into the universe and sent me this:

image_5We walked into the casino, I sat down at this machine because it played music and the seat vibrated funny, pressed the “spin” button three times, and it was like 80,000 CREDITS!!!! And the idiot in me who doesn’t understand math was like I JUST WON 8,000 DOLLARS! And then it printed out $800 and that was OK too. Another $200 at the blackjack table and most of the UBOX is paid for and I feel like the universe is understanding my needs (come next post and I will talk about how I get my messages out to the universe).

So, my UBOX is mostly full, except for the mass quantity of clothes and shoes I have here and some random odds and ends. I am kind of beat, not to mention BATTERED:

image (2)

But not as beat as this guy:













So now I am going to sit and whine about my scratched arm, while my Dad sleeps, until I realize nobody is listening, and then I will go upstairs and eat chips while I sort through my clothes.

Have a lovely Sunday everybody. Only 30 more days until I leave…..

Moving is for Ballers

9 Sep

I have moved a lot in general, but those moves were either (1) oh hey, my parents are moving and since abandoning me would necessitate intervention by child welfare, I have to go with them; (2) moving to college with barely any belongings; (3) moving away from college in a parent-funded style; or (4) relatively local.

I say this because I have been pricing and shopping a cross-country move and gotdamn if it isn’t the most expensive thing ever. U-Haul would have me pay $2,300 to rent a truck, moving companies ask for $1,500 (and don’t guarantee some of your stuff won’t arrive royally f-ed), and renting a car has this very insane thing called a “one way charge” that makes a cross country car rental about $1200.

I really don’t have a lot of stuff. I have been slowly getting rid of stuff because I feel that it is common sense that the less stuff you have, the easier and cheaper it is to move. But nope. I have a 15×5 storage that is only about half full. I have some stuff in my Dad’s house. Not a huge load.

Anybody know a cheap way to do it? Anybody own a moving company and like me enough to give me like a 70% discount?

Another moving complaint? Living at my Dad’s house for a month and living out of boxes and bags because half my clothes are packed, a quarter are in garbage bags, and another quarter are scattered around my room. The clothing situation is as follows:




(These pics are very haphazardly placed all over this post, and I am not sorry. Blog newbie. I get a pass).









Sigh. Did I mention I also have to find a way to get these two cross-country:






So, any tips on a cheap cross country move for a cat lady with really nice dishes and a department store level of clothes? OR alternatively, anybody with a lot of extra money that they don’t know how to put to good use?

Movies are Real Life

5 Sep

As far as I know, this is a completely accurate representation of California:


In the Beginning…

4 Sep

First post. After a lot of suggestions by friends that I should start a blog (this isn’t me being an egomaniac, it is a fact), I have finally caved and started a real blog about my personal life – not just one with pictures of my sister sleeping.

The creation of this blog coincides with some huge life changes that I have been contemplating, discussing, and planning all summer. And, contrary to my general inclination to blab all of the thoughts in my head, I kept these big decisions pretty quiet.

Before I go into making big announcements and explaining the title of this blog, a little about me. I am a 28 year old attorney from New Jersey. I really love cats and food, and posting pictures all over Facebook of same. I am a proud University of Miami alum, I don’t care at all about my law school, I put ketchup on rice, sometimes I forget to put deodorant on, and I have a cool sister who sleeps a lot.

It is also worth mentioning that I have a really wonderful boyfriend who is in the Navy, whom I love very much. We have been through some ups, downs, and movie level types of drama, but have come out better for it, I think. He is hot, he is funny, he is super smart, and he will one day give me the biracial babies I have always desired. He also does a really good Robert DeNiro impersonation and I have caught him eating dog treats more than once.

Icebreakers aside, today was a BIG, nervewracking day for me because I turned in my resignation letter at work. For the past ALMOST three years, I have worked for the State of New Jersey. But, as of October 4, 2013, I will be part of those unemployment statistics that FoxNews randomly broadcasts to America, while reminding its audience that the figures are Obama’s fault.

The reason I am totally OK with leaving a job with NO pending job in the future is because Navy boo has professed his undying love (I’m dramatizing) and asked me to move out to San Diego with him so that we can ditch the long distance life and share a zip code. We have signed a lease and I move out to San Diego (unless Navy boo dies or dumps me….knock on what I think is wood that neither of those things happen) on October 14, 2013.

Navy boo and I will be living in what I am told is the lovely San Diego neighborhood of Golden Hill. All I know is that there isn’t a lot of rape in the area (thank you crime statistics website), the San Diego Zoo is in walking distance, and there’s a Chinese place pretty nearby that has roasted pork buns and delivers.


Since I won’t be employed, and since I am not really even sure that I want to look for another lawyer job, I figured a blog was something to do to occupy my time while I am mooching off of Navy boo and trying to figure out the whole employment thing. I also thought that it would be a convenient place to document my transition from the East Coast to the West Coast, as visits to California have made it very clear that Cali is NOT the Tri-State Area.

So, that’s the news. I’m really excited and also sort of terrified, but in a good way. I have random freakouts, and also random daydreams that I will move there and be discovered on a day trip to LA. Either way, I’m happy it doesn’t have to be a secret anymore because I am TERRIBLE at keeping them and hope that people actually read this because (1) you jerks suggested it, (2) writing a blog that nobody reads sounds depressing on “jump off a bridge” levels, and (3) I am a social media whore and need the validation.

I don’t have a cute way to end my posts yet. I could be a nerd and go with “You Stay Classy San Diego.” I haven’t ruled it out, but I don’t know if I am ready to go there yet. So for now, I will just say BYE.